Christian Parents Address Gender Dysphoria

It has been almost two years since you shared with us that you were experiencing gender dysphoria. Since then you have told us you identify as a male, and more recently asked us as a family to use your preferred masculine name, and masculine pronouns, to which request we have various ones given a personal response. As things have progressed recently, it seemed good to explain our thinking.

In terms of transgenderism there are basically two separate versions operating in our culture, which are quite different and even divergent from each other.

Version 1: A person’s true gender is based on their own personal perception or preference, That person alone is capable of knowing who and what he or she is. This person’s gender does not depend upon their biological sex, and in fact may go counter to it. In this version, if there is misalignment between their biological sex and their gender perception, the person may take steps to try to alter things and create alignment.

In this version others are expected to acknowledge this person’s perception as the true version of who they are, using the proper pronouns and names which this person indicates.

In this version the way those who know this person express their love is by affirming their perception and/or preference, by using the preferred name and pronouns which the person has chosen, and embracing their particular identity as being who they truly are.

In this version, those unwilling to take these actions are seen as unloving, or hateful, or biased, or unaccepting, as well as other terms. But while they may make the person unhappy and angry, they believe they are actually working for their good.

Version 2: A person’s true gender is predetermined by God, or by nature, if one does not believe in God. This gender is built into every cell in that person’s body, and is clearly indicated by their physical and sexual makeup. It is an unalterable reality which one cannot change, regardless of their personal perception or preference.

In this version, a person’s personal perception or preference is of lesser import as it cannot alter reality. If there is misalignment between their physical and sexual makeup and their personal perception or preference, the solution is for that person to learn to work through the reasons and motivations behind the difference, and eventually come to a healthy understanding, resolution, and acceptance of their predetermined identity.

In this version the way those who know this person express their love is by not supporting or affirming a gender perception or preference that does not align with their physical and sexual makeup, as that would be encouraging that person to deny who they really are, and fomenting a false identity. Rather, they continue to address that person according to their biological sex and seek to encourage that person to understand, address and correct their wrong thinking.

In this version, those who encourage this person to pursue a gender identity counter to their predetermined and true identity are actually doing harm to that person, as it is fostering wrong thinking and a false identity. While it may please the person, it is actually contributing to their harm.

These two versions cannot both be correct. Only one can be true, and the other is false.

When parents have a child who is involved in gender dysphoria, they must choose one of these two versions, and their choice may not coincide with the version their child has chosen. This will obviously lead to eventual conflict. Parents truly seeking to love their children well must choose which version to follow, and on that basis determine the correct way to love their child.

Parents decide which version to believe based on different criteria. While short-term studies often praise the virtues of transgenderism and success stories, long-term studies are now coming out which indicate that those who have opted for adopting a gender which is counter to their physical and sexual makeup are not experiencing greater happiness. Statistically, the suicide rates among those who opt for transgenderism are up to 19 times higher than those who are not, and these rates hold the same even in countries that are the most supportive and embracing of transgenderism.

There are a multitude of people coming back from the other side of the transgender “mountain” and telling those on the trail upwards to not go there, because it has proven to be hurtful and harmful. They wish now that someone had offered them alternate options, such as helping them think through and process why they felt the way they did, rather than simply embrace and encourage that thinking.

Scientific studies explain in detail how gender is built into the very DNA of a person’s body to such a degree, that no operation or medical treatment could possibly filter out the very nature of their predetermined biological sex.

For those who believe in God and his revealing himself to us through the written word, there are also biblical principles and perspectives to consider, through which all other criteria must be filtered and evaluated, as God’s perspective and thinking is higher than those of man.

We love you so very much, and are seeking to love you well. In order to do that, we understand that we must choose the version which we believe to be true, and pursue loving you based on that. We also understand that regardless of which version we choose, we can (and will) be accused of hating our child, or approved of as loving our child, depending on who is judging and the version they have chosen to believe. While we do not enjoy or desire conflict, we are committed to loving you the way we believe God would have us, because we believe that is the very best way to love you, regardless of what others may say or think, either for or against, We believe this will ultimately contribute to your greatest healthiness, happiness and holiness.

Love you, Dad and Mom