The Blessings and Challenges of Interracial Adoption

In a recent video I supplied a checklist of issues to consider in a transracial adoption. In this video I would like to talk about five blessings and five challenges.

Personally, I have been blessed beyond measure by my adopted children—as well as by my birth children. Having children of a different race and ethnicity has enriched my life in more ways than I can count, but let me share a few with you.

1.   An interracial family is just plain interesting; even entertaining. I loved going to athletic contests and listening to other parents comment on my kids without ever suspecting I was the dad. One time one of my adopted boys made a spectacular play on the basketball court and a parent from the other team turned to me—to me—and asked, “Are his parents great athletes?” Have you ever felt that tension between being honest and being humble? I just said, “Yes.” I have a hundred other anecdotes like this one. Having kids of a different race and color is sometimes, just plain fun.

2.   I should let them speak to this, but in my opinion having adopted siblings has been good for my birth children. Not that everything has been perfect, by a long shot. One time one of my daughters was in a situation where she was challenged as to whether she could understand or relate to someone with another skin color. Her answer: Are you kidding me? I have black brothers. Overall, I think that’s an advantage for birth kids.

3.   Our adopting children of color led many other families to do the same. Lots of children grew up in strong families because of the experience of one family. 

4.   Adopting children is a great way to expand the Kingdom of God. There is no better way to change the world for Christ than raising Christian children. 

5.   I have learned a great deal  from having black children that I would not have learned any other way. When quarterback Colin Kaepernick began taking a knee during the national anthem at football games, I, like many Americans, was annoyed. It helped so much to get the perspective of my black sons. The same with movements like Black Lives Matter or dealing with the police. Black people have a different experience and it was good for me to hear that from a black member of my own family. 

Transracial adoption has been wonderful but it is not all peaches and cream. We have to be discerning here. If you have an adopted child, I think there is a tendency to blame all child-rearing problems on adoption when it isn’t adoption. It’s raising any kid. Raising children is hard. You already know that. We have to be careful not to ascribe to adoption what are common problems of raising any child.

Having said that, there are significant challenges. 

1.    Let me get a big one out of the way first—adoption is expensive. When people ask me how I got the money for adoption my honest answer is, “I don’t know.” The money just seemed to come for every imaginable source, some of which I don’t remember. One time when they were teenagers I was sitting in the living room chatting with two of my adopted sons, when one of them asked me, “Dad, how much did it cost to adopt us?” My policy is to try to answer questions when they are asked so I began to describe the different expenses of adoption, and then the obvious expense of raising teenage boys. Did you guys notice how much you ate tonight? So I tried to give them an approximate number. One of my boys just sat there staring at the floor, and then he said, “Geez, Dad. You could have had an Escalade!” I assured him that I would rather have him then an Escalade but it was interesting to me what this boy valued more than anything else. Do not let expense dissuade you. If you feel God is leading you to adopt, start the process.

2.   We can deny it all we want, but racism is real. Now it is not the defining characteristic of American society; racial opportunity is, and I have addressed that in other videos I will link below. Nonetheless, children of color face discrimination. One time at dinner one of my sons asked, “Dad, since I’m black, does that mean when I grow up I have to work at the airport?” I was stunned. My wife was a lot more ready for this than I was and immediately launched into attack mode, saying you can do whatever God wants. But almost all the black people this boy had seen were at the airport. He had internalized a degree of race consciousness just by being a black person in a mostly white society. I live in a suburb that is almost 100% white. One time our local police stopped me—four police cars, guns drawn—because I was riding with two black people. I was stopped because of the skin color of my sons.  Our police generally do an outstanding and very difficult job. But racial profiling is the real experience of black Americans.

3.   Children of transracial adoption have to come to grips with being different. And you will have to discuss it often with your children. One time I knew one of my teenage boys was struggling with having a different skin color from his parents. So I brought him into my study. I began, “Son, I want to tell you a story about how life did not work out the way I wanted.” I then related to him a particularly hard time.  Then I said to him, “Life has not worked out the way you would have hoped. You would like to have had a dad who is young, black, big, and athletic. Instead you got a dad who is old, white, short, and athletic. (Yes, he laughed.) So you didn’t get the dad you wanted. But you got one. And I will be in your grill until the day I die.”

4.   One time one of my sons told me, “Dad, all adopted children have trust issues.” I thought, yes, of course, why didn’t I know that? If you are adopted that means your birth parents at some point and in some sense abandoned you. And I can understand how that would be a difficult hurdle to surmount. It’s something you have to help your kids with.

5.   You have to figure out how and when to tell children they are adopted. This is much easier with transracial adoption. Kids know they are different very early on. But you are still going to have to discuss it—probably numerous times. One time we were all gathered around the dinner table when my wife was pregnant with our last child. One of my adopted sons—he was about five—said, “Mom, I don’t care if the new baby is peach or brown, I’m glad we’re having a baby.” I knew that my conversation with that boy was coming soon.

We do not have to fear any of this. I am a Christian father. I want my birth and adopted children to come to know Christ as Savior as early in their lives as possible. I want my adopted children to know that there is a God in heaven who writes all our biographies with a very special purpose in mind. They are special, and God has given them the lives they have for a very specific reason. I think for all children this is the most powerful piece of knowledge they can possess.

Thanks for listening. I have linked several helpful resources below. May our God bless you this day in a mighty way.

More Resources: My checklist for transracial adoption is here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s8RMLgNwR6k&t=15s

For the Bible’s teaching on adoption check out this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d2cUQrVJAa4

From a biblical perspective, I deal with several controversial issues surrounding race in these videos:

The Bible on White Privilege: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2l8kOFbUtNU

A biblical view on Black Lives Matter: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB8F0dVbRbY&t=188s

And: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZMRYadgCkUY&t=301s

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