Want Kids? Don't Wait

I have officiated at over 200 marriages throughout my ministry and have counseled thousands of young men and women on married life. One common topic we always discuss is children—how many to have and when to have them. Many young couples share various reasons for delaying parenthood. They often feel they need more time to get to know each other, or they want to save money to provide a suitable house or car for their children. Some also question whether it’s the right time to bring children into the world given the current state of society or the climate.

I have argued before that having children is a divine imperative. In this video I want to argue that you should start your family very soon after you get married. Americans are getting older and older when they have their first child and I think that’s a mistake. The reasons for starting early outweigh the reasons for waiting. Why? Let me share ten reasons. (A tip of the hat here to John Shelton of World magazine for his very fine essay on this topic.)

1.   God has so constructed the human race biologically so that if a young couple doesn’t interfere artificially in childbearing they will have their first child around their first anniversary. This is the design put forth by Almighty God when he created us. I think we need to give this more serious consideration than we do. If God thought you needed more time to get to know each other he would have made the gestation period last longer.

2.   The purpose of marriage is children. In every culture in the history of the world the purpose of marriage is to raise the next generation. So my advice? Get on with it.

3.   Practically speaking, you never know if you will even be able to have kids. If you try early and are unable to conceive then you will have more time to consider other options like adoption. 

4.   If you put off children too long you may not be able to have any at all. Look at any fertility chart. The peak age for a woman is between 20 and 25. It falls off thereafter and declines rapidly in her thirties. 

5.   The longer you wait, the fewer children you will be able to have. Biologically older women are more limited. There are wonderful exceptions but they are few and far between. Sarah may have been 80 when she got pregnant with Isaac but I wouldn’t recommend waiting that long.

6.   The odds are that you will never feel financially ready—and for good reason. Children cost money to raise. As an economic historian I know that we are richer than we have ever been so, no, it is not more expensive to have kids that it was in the past. But you do make financial sacrifices for your children. Don’t be afraid of this. It is good for you to sacrifice for others.

7.   The younger you are the more energy you are going to have to raise kids. And believe me. Childrearing is energy intensive. You need a lot of it to get the job done right.

8.   if you start having children earlier in your marriage then when you have x number of children you will still be at the age when you can still decide to have more. People who start having children in their late 30s won’t have that option.

9.   If you start your family early you will be grandparents at a much younger age. And that comes in really handy. Grandparents can provide a lot more help if they are younger and have a higher energy level.

10. It’s good for your soul. Having kids draws you closer to God. Mary Eberstadt’s research has established that fact. People who have children are more religious than those who don’t. And the sooner you have kids the sooner they help you to become more like Christ. Children are forced unselfishness and that’s a huge spiritual benefit.

I realize that the above approach does not work for everyone. I did not meet God’s woman for my life until I was 27 and got married at 28. We were open to children almost immediately but our first child came along when I was 34(my wife was 24). That was God’s plan for our lives. We got down to business after that and had eight more, including three wonderful, adopted boys. That was the plan God authored for us and it varies some from the plan above. The Lord works it out differently for different couples. But if you are young be open to getting married and starting your family early in your marriage.

More: The Blessings of Raising a Large Family: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3rmq8_LEBps

John Shelton in World magazine

Take a look at the U.S. Census Bureau’s fertility chart, especially table 2: https://www.census.gov/library/stories/2022/04/fertility-rates-declined-for-younger-women-increased-for-older-women.html